Le livre de Dale Carnegie Comment se faire des amis est un véritable best-seller international. Vous devez absolument l’avoir dans votre bibliothèque, le lire… et le relire ! Je ne plaisante pas. Le titre français (« comment se faire des amis ») est un peu pourri, je vous l’accorde. Mais le titre original est plus intéressant : How to win friends and influence people. En anglais, le notion de « friends » correspond davantage à celle de « relation », ou « contact pouvant être utile »… Et la deuxième partie du titre est très claire : comment influencer les gens… Car voilà le véritable propos de l’auteur : les techniques présentées ont un but principal, comment accroître son pouvoir d’influence.
Dale Carnegie est l’un des fondateurs du développement personnel adapté au monde de l’entreprise. Son best-seller Comment se faire des amis a été traduit en 37 langues et commercialisé à plus de 40 millions d’exemplaires, rien que ça ! Autant dire que c’est un auteur incontournable pour tous ceux qui s’intéressent aux questions de communication interpersonnelle, au leadership, et plus généralement au développement personnel.
Précisons à nouveau, comme son titre ne l’indique pas, que le livre Comment se faire des amis n’est pas un guide pour faire des rencontres amicales, d’amis ou d’amies pour la vie… Non, ce livre ne vous indiquera pas les meilleurs sites de rencontre ou les bons plans de rencontre en vacances, au camping ou dans une nouvelle ville… Le livre de Dale Carnegie a plutôt été utilisé par des générations de commerciaux et de managers pour développer leurs relations professionnelles et leur influence au sein de l’entreprise, à l’image du célèbre milliardaire Warren Buffet par exemple. Et ceci bien avant le développement de la programmation neuro-linguisitique (PNL) par Richard Bandler et John Grinder en Californie dans les années 70.
Le livre de Dale Carnegie se lit comme on savoure un bon film américain. On est séduit par ses histoires ou plutôt son storytelling, on est étonné par le caractère intemporel de ses recommandations et tout à la fois amusé par le côté vieillot de certains points de vue, pourtant toujours d’actualité (toutefois notons qu’une version plus moderne de ce livre existe, Comment se faire des amis à l’ère du numérique…).
La première partie du livre développe essentiellement la manière de bâtir un rapport solide avec les personnes que vous côtoyez. Voici les deux principales idées que vous pouvez en retenir :
1. Intéressez-vous sincèrement aux autres
Cette idée peut paraître évidente mais c’est bien souvent ce qui fera la différence. Comment faire ?
– Sachez écouter activement ;
– Encouragez les autres à parler d’eux-mêmes ;
– Parlez à votre interlocuteur de ce qui l’intéresse, de ses passions, ses aspirations ;
– Faites sentir aux autres leur importance et faites-le sincèrement.
2. Mémorisez et utilisez régulièrement leur prénom pour renforcer le lien
Notre nom fait partie de ces mots hypnotiques qui permettent de capter notre attention et de faciliter le rapport avec notre interlocuteur. Apprenez à mémoriser les prénoms et utilisez les à chaque interaction pour établir plus de chaleur et de proximité…
La seconde partie développe les techniques permettant d’influencer son interlocuteur. Je vous présente dans un autre article les 8 techniques d’influence que l’on peut selon moi en tirer. Pour aller plus loin (beaucoup plus loin…), à vous d’en tirer vos propres enseignements et compléter votre bibliothèque avec ce livre incontournable de Dale Carnegie : Comment se faire des amis. Il faut aussi savoir qu’une version actualisée de ce livre existe : Comment se faire des amis à l’ère du numérique !
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